Insanely Declared
by beauangel
Summary: my second story, sort of based on another of my fav books, but mostly my life in a mental perspective.
1. The Arrival

Insanely Declared

Prologue

Here I am, at home. My life is complete, and perfect. I am a princess; given back to her kingdom. I am happy, beautiful, and sane.

I was finally collected from Petesburg clinic yesterday. I was there for almost three years. Everyone thought I was mental; that is why I was there. I guess in a way I was. I remember each day of my stay; I wish I didn't. My mother and father believe me to be well now. But I could see it in their eyes when they entered my cell. They were full of fear; for fear that I would do it again.

Day One:

The Arrival

I was thrown into the car that same night. There was no word spoken to neither where I was going nor why I was leaving. I was barely ready, and my wounds had not yet healed. Had my parents gone insane? Or was it me? I had no idea how to react. I sat in the back seat; staring randomly through the windows to all of the misty pictures of the night. It was at least two hours before the car pulled to a heavy stop. I did not know where I had been taken; the weather was terrible, my vision was greatly distorted of the building that stands towering above me. Then I saw it; the sign that would be in my nightmares; the sign to take me to my end. Petesburg Clinic for the insane minded. This was when I realised; it was me. My parents had taken me to meet my terror; to the place where they would treat me badly and spread contagious germs that would infect my sacred body. I couldn't stand it. I began to feel my legs moving and the cold wind brushing through my hair. I was running away; away into the night. I would let the darkness of the shadows be my savour, and when daylight comes; like the darkness, I will be gone.

I blacked out and awoke to find myself being restrained by two men. I was soon taken into the clinic. I decided '_maybe if I stop struggling, they would let me go'_. Well, they did let me go, but I was still guarded and was given the ultimate tour of the building. I don't see why they do that; it just gives me a more than likely possible way to escape. I knew I would when I got the chance. As I saw the way my mother and father greeted each nurse and doctor in such a good manner; it sicked me, I could scream and they wouldn't hear. It's not usual for them to be so nice to others, how could they when they treat me so poorly? It's their fault im in here, I wouldn't have done anything if they were just that little bit nicer. I guess I just couldn't hold back the pain any longer. Slowly and eventually, the tour stopped, at my stop. Mum said her goodbyes and turned her back on me for good. I did not know how long it would be until she shined a light on me next and believe that I am good. Only that it will seem like forever.

I never really understood why my parents took me into the clinic, why they couldn't just help me at home instead. I did sense one thing throughout the event, I felt so unwelcome; it was like they hated me, wait, loath me is a more appropriate word to describe it. In the end, I guess I am glad that they did; I don't think I could bare being in the same house and living with them for another gloomy day of my life.

The women that showed mum and dad around pulled up a chair in my room and began talking to me in the most spine-chilling tone I ever did hear, but there were to be many more times like that. I could tell. She was interrogating me about my personal life, I felt so uncomfortable and intruded, I wanted it to end, but it had just begun. I bit my lip and stayed as strong as I could be; just to shove it in her face.

The rest of that day; after my questioning, I was left alone in my cell, no one to talk to and nothing to do. I could feel myself slowly filling up with boredom, how long could I possibly last in this hell hole? After a few hours into the night, when the screams had finally died down, I started feeling the insane part of me releasing, the part that no one, not even me wanted to see. I began muttering, pretending someone was there. I suppose it is only natural, and most kids do, but for me; it wasn't. The words that were pouring out of my mouth made me relive my nightmares, and the part in my life I had forgotten; the exact event, the thing that scared me the most, something that will haunt my mind forever. Every few seconds it was, these visions would flash across my eyes and torment me, each time it added a little more detail. I wanted it to stop; I was scared it would become reality again. I instantly started thrashing my head from side to side, trying to shake this thing out of my skull. I began hitting my head when the thrashing was not working. That was when the beloved nurse returned and made me go completely numb with an anaesthetic which slowly made me fall asleep.


	2. Realisation

Day Two

Realisation

I awoke when a light that hit my eyes, it was so bright; there was no way I could have fought it. I was about to open my eyes as I knew it was now morning, I felt oddly at comfortable in the cell bed, I prayed that I was safe at home, that all was just a dream. And that was when I realised that it was real, and there was no escaping it. I began to cry from a deep depression, I was thinking of why I was here; even though I already knew I was. I soon found myself hoping that I was dead; that I didn't have to live through this awful nightmare.

Bang, Bang. A man was heading down the hall way, making as much noise as he possibly could. Who could be so rude to do such a thing? I quickly cleared my face from any signs of despair, sat quietly until this stranger had passed. Then he came; Big, bright electric blue eyes staring at mine, and screaming. It was not a nurse like I though at all. It turned out a patient had escaped during breakfast. I could tell by the bags under his eyes that he was a long-term patient; his soul was suffering deeply from within. I wanted to help; only I couldn't. I was too scared and ashamed of myself. There's a saying that goes "_You must love yourself before you love others_" My mother had told me this when I was 11, I never really understood it. But I do now. I wasn't going to love this man, but care for him; at least try. I knew I couldn't, how could I care and understand how to help someone when I myself needed such help? He started shouting at me as if I were some thing. He was calling me an 'it', something not human, nor even real. Finally his psychiatric doctor came and took him. I was left alone again; and in a complete state of shock. I ran to the nearest corner and began rocking my body back and forth trying to get these mental images of me becoming a nothing and bursting into flames out of my head. I was scared, what should I do? I didn't have a clue. I felt a weak side of me giving up, telling my mind it's not worth trying. They would never take me back under their wing, they wouldn't be able to trust me again, or even look into my eyes again. I wanted to lay there forever; in the cold and die. Then I don't know exactly what it was, but some weird feeling hit me, I found myself screaming through the window of my door, calling out for someone, I had no idea what I was doing, or what I was going to do. I wanted out of this life, I was never insane, it is this place; it makes everyone insane. How long would I be like this?

There was a rush of footsteps and a number of nurses appeared in front of me. "What's wrong?" one said. It seemed forever until I spoke in reply. It just occurred to me that there was nothing wrong, after all, I would much rather be in a clinic than at home where I would be come more disturbed. I hummed and stared blankly into Janet's (my special nurse) eyes, they were beautiful, and I've never seen any colour like it before. They were a very mystical type grey; I could not look away from. I turned my back and proceeded back to my corner where I hummed a song which my grandad used to hum to me when I was young. I don't know exactly what it was, but just that few seconds ago; looking into her eyes; I felt as if I knew her, like she was a part of me. She didn't look too old, probably the same age as me.

With a clang as my cell door was closed, one of the doctors entered with stethoscope. He walked over to me, and began questioning me. G_reat, just great. The one thing I wish did not happen while I'm here_ I thought. I hated being questioned about things I could not answer. He checks my pulse and my blood pressure. I thought this was all a little too strange, what on earth was this man doing this for? I have no clue, but before I had the chance to become aware of my actions, the doctor was unconscious on the floor and I was out of my door in a second. There was something wrong with me, something big. I don't know exactly what they call it, but I believe I have a mental illness of some sort. Every now and then I would just do things, it never happened until I arrived here.


	3. The Break

Day Three

The Break

Once again, there was wind brushing through my hair. I didn't know exactly what way to go, at least not yet. After all, I had only been staying there for three days. I slowed down as I got to each corner, checking for any stray nurses or doctors on the look out, I couldn't get caught, the results would be far too disastrous. I was running through each corridor, one after the next, I didn't stop; I just wanted to get away. I was almost there, I could see the desk.

I found myself laying on a cold floor, a new cell…a more enclosed cell. I'd been caught, and by the looks of it, I had been changed to a more secure cell. I did not know a way out of this one, I had no mental map to work from; let alone how I would devise my new escape plan. Why I had run loose, I don't know. The only thing I do know is if I stay much longer, I will come to an end, and I don't know how much longer that will be.

A couple of hours later I think it were, but it seemed so much more. I tried calling out to a nurse, but perhaps my cell was sound proof, was that even allowed? I think to the plus sides of my being here and in this particular cell. It stops me from thinking to the bad things about it. I was finally away from the place I hated most, yet why I wanted to go back I don't know. Perhaps it was because it was home after all, and I start thinking to myself, maybe I did like having all of those nightmares like things in my life, even my last memory. A memory that still haunts my mind and terrorises my dreams. Yet I still can't think why I would ever want it to happen again. I liked the feel of the cool smooth yet sharp blade rush across my skin, bringing all my deepest pain close to me and out to the surface where it would be gone, yet it wasn't enough. I had to go on.

No, I couldn't speak about it now, if anyone would ever hear these words running out of my mouth, to think would I do it again? I do feel sorry for my family, having to witness and bear so much, yet I am not. It released some pain from my soul; I was so close to death, I could see my end. Yet I was grabbed and brought back to earth. I didn't really deserve it, no, why me? I was so careless, didn't really ever care much for this gift.

I lay once again in my cell; brought back to the reality of things. I needed to get out. I had to, only I had no way. After a while of thinking, I decided to draw a mental map, perhaps when I go out to the cafeteria for supper, perhaps maybe then I would make my final escape.

I wasn't sure if I was ready, this place was making my insanity grow and become a part of me, that could never be removed, but I felt there were still things I had to figure out while I was there. There were so many questions that were waiting to be answered, but who would answer them? I sit quietly, once again humming to myself, calming myself; I had nothing to do, no one for help, and nowhere to run. I felt a deep anger, and weakness rising inside of me. Taking away my strengths and any positive thoughts that were left running through my veins, it was going to happen. When? I don't know. How? There was no possible way. But it was one way or another. At least something was going to happen. Slowly, yet to fast for me to catch it; the visions started again. They were running across my eyes, and they wouldn't stop. Was this it? Was it really the end? I didn't know quite what way I should turn next; I didn't know what new corridor my life would find itself trapped in. It unexpectedly went dark and I had no choice; my soul was left in some strangers hands.


	4. My New Ward

Day Four

My New Ward

I opened my eyes the next day to a very well lite hospital like room. I did not know where I was. There were cords and tubes running everywhere, what had happened? I reached over to both sides of my bed, in search for the 'attention button', but I had no luck, so I tried screaming and shouting; this is where I had a little too much luck. A few nurses came running in a restrained me while one injected me with yet another anaesthetic, I immediately became calm again. She began checking few of the many tubes attached and dangling from my trapped body. She started talking to me; I must have asked what happened and where I was because she immediately answered the questions I was thinking of asking, that or she read my mind. "Your in the hospital ward of the clinic, a couple of days ago you fell unconscious in your cell. We will keep you here under observation for a few more days until you seem '_fit'_ enough to go back to your cell". "Wha…" "Enough questions now, you have a visitor". Me have a visitor, couldn't be anyone I know… nobody seems to care enough otherwise I wouldn't be here in the first place. As the nurse left, I waited in silence for my so called guest.

The wait seemed forever, yet soon enough I did have a guest after all. He entered the room silently, like he was invisible. No sound yet much movement. I recognised his face straight away; it was mostly his eyes I recognised the most. They were dazzling, enchanting with such rare beauty. A Deep blue was the colour of my fate. He walked over to my bed side, sat down and began to hum. It was the same song he used to hum to me when we were together; perhaps he believes we still are. We never will be; ever. He destroyed my life, he turned my life around and twisted it with such anger it was just left there to rot and wilt away into nothingness. Why was he here? Does he dare have such nerve? If it weren't for the anaesthetic I would have my hands ringing his neck until there was only one breath left in his body; from there, I would be the one twisting his insides and toying with his emotions. He claimed to have such feelings that were so in love with mine; an emotion that would stand beside my forever. It was my turn, I could do anything I wanted to him, and by the looks of his expression, he came to my place for sympathy; it is anything but sympathy that he will receive. "Baby, I'm so sorry. Your parents told me what you did, I wish there was something I could do to make your life better". I lied there still, staring with fury deep into his eyes. As people say _'you shall fear my wrath,'_ and he will. I know he could sense how I was feeling, he always did back in my nightmares, he always knew when I was angry with him; not matter how nice to him I was. It must have been five minutes of staring into his eyes; penetrating deep into his soul until he spoke again. "I come here asking for your forgiveness, and all you do is stare at me with no reply. I didn't have to apologise but it seems to be keeping your parents happy. You know my plan will work, you know I will have you again." With ending his sentence, he grabbed hold of my shoulders and shook me dry with his screaming and torture. No matter what he did, I would never let him have me again, and he will continue to fail; as I continue to look away. There was something that hit me just after he let go, I was beginning to think differently, on the plus sides of things again. Now was not the time, yet before I could stop myself, I had already leapt up and fallen into his half open arms, and was sobbing like there was no tomorrow. I'd given in; just like I always did. Or perhaps, he would be my next escape plan. If I was to show forgiveness, he would take me out of the clinic. But something inside me thought maybe he had changed.

A monster like that could never change, no matter how much I ignored the fact that I would be hurt again, I found myself always running back to him; like I needed him with me all my life, otherwise I could not live. The cuts were getting deeper and deeper into my soul, he continued to get to me every time, and eventually, I guess you could say; I fell to pieces.


	5. A life of Nightmares

Day Five

A life of nightmares

There would be these times when he would be depressed and continually shout with such fury at me, no one else; just me. I would obviously indicate how upset I was and he would come to my rescue; or so I hoped, and change. He would twist it with all his might, until it could not be twisted any more and make it my problem; not his.

For many years he continually tormented and tortured my soul, he would lock it away and when I was let out he wouldn't let me leave. I had the chance to leave so many times, but I couldn't bring myself to it. I guess in someway or another, I was craving the attention; craving the drama in my life; just so I had an excuse for what I did. And it worked, it always did. I could blame him and not feel anymore hurt from it. I never quite realised how lame it was of me to that all the time, but in the same, I felt better. It's better than doing what I used to.

There would always be the good days when we would be happy and life couldn't be better, but like everything, there would always be a bad day to follow. I always dreaded those. I wanted to run when I knew it was coming but I couldn't; he wouldn't let me. I would never have the chance. And now I do. He would constantly drive up and down our street; it was so peaceful and happy when he wasn't there. I feel as though I brought some disease to this euphoria of a neighbour hood. I want to tell everyone that I didn't mean to, he was really quite the guy when I met him, and mum and dad never want me to leave him. But now he is anything but a guy. He has become something more. Something so terrifying and monstrous that there is no suitable word for it. He is something so unlike what I remember him as when we first met, when we first fell in love. Now it's anything but.

It's like he had turned into this monster, this thing that had no feelings or emotions apart from anger and hatred. He'd hit me whenever I had been out with my friends, or when I wasn't home when he rang. It was horrific, and yet; I couldn't leave. He knew always where to find me, how to get to me. He was the only one that knew my secrets. If he told my family; life would become much more like my nightmares. My family began to love him like he was their own son. How could anyone love such a beast? Of course, he never let them see that side of them, it was only me. Not even my friends knew how these bruises and scars would appear on my delicate flesh. _"It was him"_, I wanted to shout out to them, tell them how I got them, ask for help. But if I did; who knows if he would have brought my end sooner than what I wanted.

Though, I admit; it did feel like my end had come; like my life had finally come to a stop. I guess now, when I look back on the life I had before Petesburg, I'm happy I'm here; I've finally escaped it all.

I stop reflecting the life I said goodbye to and look up into those cold eyes. Though this time, I feel stronger when I look, I feel like I can get the better of him this time, there's nothing that can stop me; not even him, and he knew that. I saw his eyes slowly begin to widen in fear. I was finally going to win, he was going to be gone from my life; forever.


	6. Stronger

Day Six

Stronger

I slowly rose to a sitting position in my bed, still staring into his eyes; this was it, my chance had finally come. I felt my strengths rising inside of me, focusing on my clenched fist that lay beside me. I raised it and slammed it as hard as my body could; with all my anger holding deep inside it. It hit him hard in the nose, and he immediately loped to the side in his chair. I was happy, and I felt great. I leaned into him more and repeated every blow, hitting him with the fury that aroused from my past. He was out; there was no way he would get up in a rush. I ceased my chance. Clutching my clothes in my hands and my shoes slipped on my feet, I ran out into the hall and spied the nearest restroom, so I could change. I found it and I ran for all my life to get there.

I peered my head slowly around the door before completely coming out; I knew they would be looking for me. I was right; there were security, nurses and a monster with harsh bruises covering his face. They were coming this way, I took my chance and ran. I made it to the stairs in time, they saw me but they did not follow. I found this odd, but I could not think of that now; I hadn't the time. I continued running down the stairs, and through a door which led to the car park. I heard more footsteps that were defiantly not mine. I ran to each of the closest cars, trying to open each door. Finally there was one unlocked, I scurried in before they saw me, and hid deep in, behind the passenger seat. The footsteps died after a while, but I knew it wasn't safe to get out. Not yet. I sat quietly and patiently, humming to myself once again. I thought about my life, and my next move. Why did I scare my family so? Why did I do what I did? I was talking to myself again.

The driver door opened and a woman climbed in, chucking her bags to the seats next to me. I was scared again; would she tell the security if she saw me? I huddled closer to the seat for a sense of security to myself, just so I knew she wouldn't.

She searched through a strange shaped bag for something; what ever it was, she must have left them inside because she did not get them. She left the car and went back into the dark building. I didn't know what to do, should I run? Or should and stay for a new and most likely better journey?

I stayed of course; there was no way I would get away from this life any other way. They would find me, and I would go back to my nightmares; living through each of them, over and over again.

The women shortly returned to the car, she had forgotten her glasses, were they reading glasses? They were defiantly not sunglasses; the sun was nearly gone by then. She placed them on her petite and gentle face. I took my time to explore the care that she took when putting them on, also searching to the beauty of her eyes. She was kind, I could just see it; I knew she didn't belong with terrible people, let alone the hassle with me when she is to find that I am here. I was about to get out the car, but I moved too late; the car had been started and was slowly backing out of the park. I stayed, and huddled back into the seat once again.

I didn't see much of my new surroundings, though it must have been somewhere in the country because the clinic was completely isolated for at least a few miles. Still, I waited patiently, although there was a slowly growing hunger inside my body. I hadn't eaten since the day I fell unconscious. I never quite found out why that had happened. My guess is a reaction to something they were giving me. I felt my insides begin to shake as it grumbled strangely loud. I looked around to the driver seat to see if the woman had noticed. Thankfully, the radio was on so she didn't.

It wasn't until the drive had turned from minutes to hours that I took my chance to see my surroundings. We were in the city, just where I wanted to be. Hopefully she would stop soon and I could make my escape.

The phone rang, it didn't bother me at first but then when she pulled over and started talking about 'an escaped patient' that my heart and body went into panic mode. She got out, and went to the back door; the one opposite mine. If I didn't get out then, it would be never. I took my chance; I slid out the car and ran. She must have seen me; there was no way to get out without her seeing me. I ran into the nearest shop with all eyes on my. I felt so intruded, not that the strangers were doing anything to me, jus the way that looked at my distressed figure running through the mall. I found the perfect spot; perfect shop. No one could fin d me. Least that's what I thought just before my arm was just about wretched out of its socket. Security, I should have known, I should have realized they would be after me. I knew it was specifically me; they spoke over the radio _I got her, ill bring her back now._ It's just amazing, I committed no crime, yet I struggled with the smothering feeling of the hand cuffs. I was gently shoved into the car and driven away. There was no way I could get out of this one. No way at all. Yet again I was stuck in a car for an hour or so, awaiting my end. Just like my first arrival at the clinic. It soon became night, and I felt my eye-lids becoming heavy. I woke what felt just an hour later, but it had only been half. I was there and being dragged through the halls. This time, my cell was white. Like those ones that only friends joke about. I was in a padded cell … with a straight jacket. What were they thinking? I'm not mental! I'm not going insane! Am I? I sat as I did, over again. Just thinking what I'm to do next.


	7. Insane

Chapter Seven

Insane

There were so many thoughts that raced through my head that night. It was impossible to even think about getting any sleep, not after what I had just been through. I stood, eventually taking control of my sanity, and started pacing around the cell. Just thinking of the most simple and successful way, that would get me out of this inferno. The easiest has already been tried. But if I had just that single chance of getting away with it again; I would. I continued to pace in my cell, just thinking of every possible way. But I could not think of any. All I could do was wait the perfect moment.

I lied down in defeat; my mind giving up all hope of escaping. I let my guard down and shook in horror when I heard more screaming. Though I should have been used to it. A new patient came into the ward, a girl with a similar case to mine; the usual "I'm not insane" one that is. Though, I guess partly she was. She had some disorder that made her have sudden out bursts where she would do something beyond imaginable; that is for those whom live outside these walls. I watched in fear for her as they pushed her struggling body into the cell across from mine. I could tell her soul was in worse pain than mine; I wanted to help her. If I was going to escape; so was she.

I don't know where she was the next morning for breakfast; I guess she wasn't ready to come out yet. Not that I blame her, I wasn't either. Though I didn't have a choice what I was to do. The breakfast was just the usual sludge, and it made it even worse when I had no one to talk to; but having no one to talk to became so usual for me, it was just bad every day. Later, I was placed in yet another interview room. It was now my second encounter with the witch. I hadn't been to see her since my first day here. I guess that's because I wasn't really here. She was going to intrude my deepest thoughts, while I was going to try my hardest to stop her. I sat down in the empty room, counting the seconds till my fait. There she was, just walking through the door. Her beady eyes were staring at mine once again; filling them with her ill diseased thoughts. I felt sick, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to run. But I wouldn't, I would simply bite my tongue and block her out. She would never get to me; not like she did in our first encounter. She would not make me break apart; I would make her tear in half. She sat down across the table from me; still staring at me. I stared back and she could tall I wasn't going to give in; not without a fight. She lifted her note book and pen out of her bag and began writing. "Now, Annabel. We've had quite a few escape plans from you over the week; how badly do you want to escape? You know by now that it is far better in here than at home; surely you must know". I didn't answer; I didn't want to. Her voice ran down my spine once again, just begging me to speak. I wouldn't give in, not that easily. I spoke, but not the reply she wanted. I told her I did want to escape; but not why. I told her it was not better; but making me insane; I could become quite capable of anything. Her eyes widen with my last word; _anything_. She knew I would; that I could. With a small laugh to shake away the fear of me striking at any moment she continued "We only want the best for you" … She was sweet talking me … "If you be good, we can move you back to your original cell; almost as free as can be. Though, your treatment will become a lot more serious". I needed treatment? No, I didn't need any treatment, if anyone did; it was her.

After what seemed once again; for ever, I was taken back to my original cell. All it took was a few fear striking words. I was surprised. But ever so proud of myself. Janet came back to see me. But this time it was with a younger girl; the one I saw near the padded cells. She was brought to a normal cell, and she wanted someone to talk to. "We thought you would be the best patient to help our Grace". I felt a smile grow on my face. Finally I wouldn't be alone.

Day Eight

Friend or Foe

Moments passed, and I was eager


	8. Friend or Foe

Day Eight

Friend or Foe

Moments passed, and I was eager to meet my new comrade. I wanted to find out every detail there was to know about her; I wanted to know why she was put in here. Though, I did wonder why it was me they suggested she stay with. I can't help but find it just that bit curious that me of all people. Surely they must know that my escape plans have a greater chance at succeeding now. But I can't help but also find it curious that the day I was moved away from the padded cells; was the day she was too. Was it just a coincidence? I don't know, but it seems less than likely. I was still waiting to meet her; they told me she would come to visit my cell. But where was she?

It was like I was talking aloud because, at that moment, a face peered around the corner and said hello to me. I introduced myself and we got talking. She was really sweet. I told her why I was in the clinic, yet her reason seemed to be the same as mine. How is that possible? How could someone be going through the exact same problems at the exact same time? I didn't understand it, and I grew more and more curious as she continued telling me about her life; there was nothing to be sad about. She had it good. Grace had a big house, great family, and an ok boyfriend. But she was complaining. Like me, I guess she didn't realise it yet that there are good things in life that make up for the bad.

She was told to go back to her cell after a while or so, but before she left, she grabbed my hand and pulled it towards hers. She put something in it; I wasn't sure at the time, but it was sharp. "_It will help_". I didn't understand; I watched her flick her golden hair as she was swept out of my cell. I turned to the wall and walked to my bed; falling onto it, I felt a sharp pain as if something were tearing my hand apart. A piece of glass; Grace had given me glass, and now I was cut. I couldn't describe my feelings as I watched the red substance fall down my up held arm. It was warm, and it reminded me of the days at home. I watched it and wanted more. I shook my head; wiping away at the fresh cut with my other hand. I felt as though I was being cleansed again by the pain, but this time with filth entering it. It was not purposely done; it was not me who was responsible for it. Yet I was not satisfied as I would usually be, I felt disgraced at myself; at Grace. She knew something, or at least something was wrong with her that she wasn't about to tell any one. I needed to know what it was, I needed to know why; I needed answers. I found myself screaming at the door again, but this time I knew why. I hid the glass before any one came; I had made it just in time. I showed them my hand and I was immediately torn from my cell and rushed to the hospital sector immediately. I didn't see why it was so urgent; it was just a small cut. There were whispers between the doctors; I knew what they were saying; even if I couldn't hear them clearly. It turned out to be a very deep cut. Why I was surprised I don't know, but it did made me more wary towards Grace. She knew; there was definitely something she was not telling me, or not telling me directly.

I was sent back to my cell after I was stitched up. When I got back there were a few guards going through it; I guess they were looking for the glass. But they wouldn't find it. I had placed it very carefully into a crack in the brick work which is concealed by my bed, they would never look there. But yet as they continued looking, I found myself growing more anxious with every moment they moved more things. I couldn't stop it, and apparently there was no hiding it either.

It wasn't until nightfall that the search had finished. I was right; they would never look there. I was finally able to sit freely in my room, once again; by myself. I collapsed on my bed after yet another fast day. My body felt as it were left in motion; it had not yet caught up. I stared at the ceiling, feeling it spin slowly, tipping my body every way; I was falling, falling into a dark hole where I would never return. My nightmares were coming back to haunt me again; the flashes of today's events found their way into my mind, I saw the blood running down my arm and the cut being opened over and over again. There was no escaping it; I would have to face the bottom of the ditch soon. I would have to face my fears and defeat my end; it was either give in or fight. I had been fighting too long, and now I was weak; my body was being drained of all life and energy, I was falling.


	9. The Dark Pit

Day Nine

The Dark Pit

I didn't know where I was going to land, or when. I could feel a sense of emptiness running through my body, like there was something taking away everything inside me; like there was no me left. But I could still feel it, even when I did feel nothing. I became so numb; I couldn't even hear my own thoughts. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of nothing; there was no escape. I was at my final end. I knew I would be soon found with no hint of life in these veins. They would find me and have no clue of how my end came. I saw blackness covering me; swallowing me whole. I would never escape.

I finally found the strength to shake myself awake. It was just a dream; but it felt so real, just like it was really happening. I was scared to think if it was soon to happen again. My body was shaking right to my toes, I was covered in sweat and I felt as though I had been tortured endlessly for years. I was so drained, yet, I was finding that I was managing to stay strong. Even if it was just a little bit; it could grow. I knew I would soon be able to have my full strength back again; then I could proceed with my plans.

My cell still looked a mess from which security had left it. I was staring around me with a growing fury inside. This was because of Grace, she knew it would happen; I was sure of it, but I didn't know how. It scared me that someone else could know what I was thinking, and my possible actions. I felt so messed around with; like I had become someone's puppet and this was some big show. They would be able to tell my end; my final showdown. I didn't know what to think, I didn't want to think anything. I had to play back, so she didn't know my next deed. Our next meeting would be in a week. In a week; I will get her back. I knew I would; it was my turn to go to her cell.

My next event, I couldn't believe it had happened. I never thought I would see him again. It was Dan, a guy I met before I started seeing my ex. I looked up from my bed and there he was, just waiting outside my cell looking down at me. Had my dreams finally come true? Was Dan my savour, a guide out of this dark hole? I instantly felt warm with his presence. We would have been together, though, his parents made him move to Paris with them; his dad was a writer. He had come back, and now, it felt as though things were going to get better.

I was allowed out of my cell and to a booth where we were able to catch up and have a chat. I missed hearing his voice, and most of all; those smooth, peachy, luscious lips. Though, I didn't exactly get given the chance to remember that part. We talked for what seemed like an eternity, though it's not like I minded. Just hearing his soothing voice again made me want nothing but to be with him forever. He told me of his adventures around France, then to Italy. I never thought how successful his dad would have become. I used to read the beginnings of his books as a child, though I was never really interested. I told him of my life when he left, my ex, and how I came to being here. The looks in his eyes were so caring. For once I felt like I was understood, he wasn't angered of what I had done, just worried and caring.

Then, it happened; the dreadful moment that would stop my heart. Finally I had come into contact with him again, finally I was happy again. He told me of his adventure in Italy, as I mentioned earlier, only, he has a girlfriend. She was the reason he came back to England and see me. When they received a letter from my parents telling the events of that night, she encouraged him to visit. How could I have fooled myself? He's the hottest guy I had ever known, how could he not have a girlfriend by now?


End file.
